so...

my grump-pa and I were really close and he was planning on adopting me so I could move out of my dad's house...but then my grump-pa died and even though I was 15 at the time, I still REALLY miss him. He was the only man who has never let me down and he's the only person I've ever really trusted in my whole life. I could use that kind of support right now. Living without his support leaves me feeling lonely and unsure of myself.

I fell in love with the man of my dreams and moved hours away from everything and everyone I'd ever known so that he and I could get married because that's what he said he wanted...then he changed his mind, we're still close and I still love him but damn if I didn't get my hopes up on the life he told me we'd have together and double damn if I'm not the most pathetic bitch sitting at home alone with his dog and his family while he's out living a life I feel totally left out of. I threw my life away to start a new life with him because I loved him and because he asked me too, but I haven't made a single friend or had any fun since I moved here over a year ago so I feel alittle like I've been decieved.

I was planning on moving out of this house back in January, I called around and got on the good side with a landlord to this cheap apartment building in the area...but then my teddybear's father had surgery and I got roped into staying and giving him my paychecks while he was on workers comp. and it was understandable that he needed the help but now he's been back at work for months and I have yet to hear anything about him getting his settlement which sucks because he can't pay me back until he gets his settlement and I can't afford to move out until he pays me back and I'm so tired of sitting at home alone in this house and being yelled at by his dad for every problem he has with his kids, his girlfriends, his job, his bills, his car, his house when I'm not the cause of any of those problems so I'm feeling alittle neglected and this wasn't what I signed on for when I moved in so again I'm feeling alittle like I've been deceived.

this chick I've been friends with since the fifth grade was supposed to be one of my brides maids...besides my wedding being canceled, I can't even turn to her now when I need her most because we had a fight because she hated my fiance and she thought I was making a mistake with him, now I realize she was right but the fight was so huge that we haven't talked ever since and I doubt we ever will again, which is sad because we were really good friends. I chose my teddybear over her because he said all these beautiful things about the life we'd have together so I'm feeling like I'm alittle too gullible and again I'm feeling alittle like I've been deceived.

I recently got accepted into this awesome school to become a vet tech and I really wanted to go to there and I was working on finding a job and an apartment in the area...but then my financial aid fell through and I couldn't find a place to live in the area so I don't get to go to the awesome school I really wanted to go to so now I'm feeling disappointed.

I start work at my favorite place in the world (petco) on Tuesday...I can't help but wonder what I'll do to screw up my life this time...

sounds like a pity party, I have a hard time letting myself feel hopeful because thats generally when things go wrong for me:
hopefulness leads to bad decision making on my part.